The WINTER OLYMPICS – Events I’d Like to See

I don't know about you, but for the past two weeks, I have been glued to my TV each night watching the Winter Olympics. The Olympics are truly a spectacle and rich in the human drama of competition, triumph and defeat. It is an opportunity for me, and I am sure millions of Americans like me, to see (and care about), sports they don't normally get to; such as curling and tandem luge. 

However, as I tend to have a warped sense of humor, as I watched the games unfold, I could not help but think about different events that are not currently part of the Olympic regimen and different takes on sports that are. Here is a list of things I have thought about in my sick mind over these past two weeks. 

I would like to see an Afghanistan Women's Olympic Ice Hockey team. Can you just see them skating around the rink in their burkas ululating as they do?

Full contact group figure skating. No more of this sissy stuff of people doing jumps and spins all alone on the ice. I think everyone should be on the ice at the same time showing their stuff. Points are earned for artistry, technical merit and evasion of bodily harm. Wait, maybe that's hockey?! 

Naked luge. This would certainly spice up a sport that, while exciting, is otherwise dampened by the fact that the winner usually wins by only fractions of a second. Now people will care a lot less about the time. ( interesting visuals, heh? ). 

Bazooka biathlon. While this sport is interesting from the standpoint that it involves skiing and guns, a clearly winning combination, I want to see some real firepower. This would also have the effect of making the skiing part of the game, the dull part, much more challenging. 

I think we can even combine sports from different events, like skating and basketball, or short track speed skating for the visually impaired. The various combinations are almost limitless; how about curling and freestyle swimming or cycling and downhill mougles? 

All in all, the Olympics are truly an example of humankind at its best, but maybe that's the problem for me. Like people who go to the races to see the crashes, I am one of those  who get entertainment out of watching people doing stupid things, like driving fast around in circles ( nascar anyone? ) and then interjecting the unlikely, the unexpected and even the absurd. On this note, whatever happened to Rollerball? Now there is a sport I can really get into! Maybe, if it was played on ice…..?